Monthly Archives: February 2015

6 Reasons Why Text-Arguing is a Good Idea

My hubby and I have been house hunting for over a year.  We are mostly on the same page, but at times, impatience with the whole thing has one or both of us on edge. Spending a huge chunk of money, where the TV will go, if a split-level is a no-go, commitment in general. Today we had a virtual spat via text as to whether a home was worth seeing.  I realized, contrary to popular belief, that texting is a great way to communicate when emotions are high.  Here are a few reasons why:

1) This morning let my rage fly as I swiped away. I was forced to parse down my thoughts in to text-sized nuggets.  I could delete and rephrase before I hit send.  I could only “speak” as fast as I could swype and I had to stop to edit the incorrect autocorrect . These features unique to text force us to evaluate what we are saying to the other person before they hear it.  It is almost like thinking before you speak! This doesn’t always happen in real-time, ya know 😉  But it is a great strategy to having a great discussion.

2) People say that one of the downfalls of e-communication is inflection and tone is lost, and you may interpret the content incorrectly. During some conversations, you don’t need to hear the inflection; and if you don’t know the inflection, it is better that way. 🙂  Taking inflection, body language, and facial expression off of the table as a communication tool forces us to look at the words. We can respond to WHAT is being said rather than HOW it is being said.

3) Going along with number 3, we don’t get loud and we have to take turns.  Raising a voice or even using a strained voice is counterproductive to sorting things out.  With texting, ALL CAPS is almost funny in its juvenility. We can get all of our thoughts out without interrupting each other or without accidental meanness coming out of our mouths.

4) There is a record of what is said. Sometimes, when discussions get heated, the main points that we want to be communicated are forgotten because everyone is just trying to win.  With texting, viewpoints don’t have to be repeated ad nauseam because they are “on the record.”  It is almost like having a mediator because the dialogue is being held and recorded by a non-judgemental “third party.”

5) In a weird way, texting is calming.  It is almost like journaling or blogging. Your thoughts are out there in the ether and you used a sensory experience via your fingertips to get them there.

6) The issue is more often resolved.  By the time we pick up the phone to talk, we have either hashed out the major details of the issue at hand, or the heated moment has passed and we have moved on.  Generally after we are done texting about a big issue, we pick up the phone to discuss the results.  It is almost like the post-game huddle. All the dust has settled, and we can move forward.  It is nice always knowing the phone will be answered with love and understanding in the other person’s voice!

Do you ever text to sort things out? Do you find it to be helpful?

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11 Signs of Baby Fever When You Are Already a Mom

1) When shopping for next season’s clothes, you consider if the item will accommodate your soon-to-be-conceived baby bump.

2) You google “cute newborn” and browse the pictures of all of the melty-ness.

3) You are dressing your toddler in 18-24 month onesies and wondering if they make them in the next size.

4) You surf mommy forums for earliest signs of pregnancy repeatedly and note all of the signs your are experiencing. You mentally check off breast tenderness, fatigue, sore back and gas, all pointing to your impending arrival.

5) You follow number 4 by taking an HPT (or three) 5 days before your missed period every month. “Is that a faint positive?”

6) You notice that EVERYONE else is announcing they are 12 weeks along. Celebrities, FB friends, distant cousins, political figures.

7) You grip your squirming one year old in the cradle position and coo to him that he is “still Mommy’s newborn” for temporary conciliation.

8) You open your file of baby names from your previous pregnancy and start brainstorming and revising.

9) You tell your husband you want 100 babies crawling around as you watch your little one on the floor.

10) You consider maca root.

11) You are reading this post.

Can’t wait to hear from gals who can relate in the comments…:)

 

Some are born mothers, some achieve motherhood, and some have motherhood thrust upon them.

I am of the latter category. Yes, I had a cabbage patch doll or two growing up, but I was normally more interested in playing with Legos than tending to a fake baby.  I had two younger sisters, one of whom was my playmate, the other of whom thoroughly annoyed me with her babyhood through her first decade of life.  I was hired as a sitter on occasion, likely due to my older sister’s reputation as a “mother hen,” bringing crafts and all kinds of fun to the event. But even though I was still so close to childhood, I had no idea how to entertain these children a half-generation younger than me, and did not excel at it. I vaguely remember not changing a poopy diaper for the duration of a stay and eating a whole box of Nutrigrain bars that the mom had set out for her toddler while he napped. I cringe as I remember.  I was not asked back.

Fast forward about 15 years, married, finishing grad school. Lots of friends having kids, but I wasn’t the friend to ask to hold the newborn or get down on the floor to play.  I probably talked over  cries while I visited.  More likely, I made one or two of them cry with an overbearing “Helllll-Ow!.” I do not-a speak-a your language kid. “Do I want kids?” “Yes, a bunch,” was my answer, “but I will still want to work.”

Now I have my own much-desired baby. He is the joy of my life.  He has made me into a mother and made me love him.  Not the easy way. Not by the-being-cute-sleepy-newborn-meeting-milestones-cuddly-meltiness way, but the other way.  The screaming-so-hard-the-first-six-months-of-life-I-thought-he-was-possessed way. The stiff-as-a-board-back-arching-won’t-be-soothed-something-is-wrong-with- this-kid-way.  The around-the-clock-hourly-nursing-no-sleep-for-ten-months-way. The no-crib-no-bassinet-no-rock-and-play-no-swing-hold-me-upright-for-every -sleep way.  The physically-taxing-delivery-body-never-the-same way.  The so-unbelievably-difficult-daycare-wouldn’t-take-him-made-me- question-my-ability-to-be-his-mother way.

My dad used to say love is a verb, not a noun, and this baby made me LOVE him, whether I wanted to or not.  He demanded love in action. Every. Second. Of. The. Day.  And sure, “All babies are high needs,” but some are more high needs.  And some mothers are born, and it may come naturally for them, and I know and love these women. Some mothers are self-made with the arrival of their bundle of joy. But for others, motherhood is forged. Forged like steel in the fire by that tiny babe in their arms.

Through a year of sleepless nights, inconsolable colic, undiagnosed medical problems and the emotional turmoil that goes with it, my own physical pain, confusion and at times distress, my baby made me love him. Then he made me love him MORE. And in the process he made me a mother. I wasn’t born a mother, I did not achieve motherhood over the course of the past year, but, boy, was it thrust upon me in the most challenging-scary-amazing-fulfilling-how-did-I-exist-without-you way. And I am so grateful that it happened that way.

Was motherhood your calling all along, or was it your answer to the cries as they came? I want to hear your story in the comments!